80′s “Fashion Satire” (caution is humorous)

 Let me take you back to a time when rolling up your pants was cool, friendship bracelets were cool, and who could have forgotten about the speedo swimsuits? Want to know more? Stay glued to your computer for various other terrifying trends that existed here in America.

  When did we start tight rolling our pants? Did we think that you were considered “Out,” If you didn’t tight roll your pants? Was there actually a tight rolling club? Could the name be” The Tight Wads?” This is just one of the many fatalities in trends of the 80’s. From a person who has already been shamed for such things that were once cool, be careful of the styles that you adopt as trends, because they may come back to haunt you. You never know when that photo of you partying with your tight rolled jeans on, may come back up when you least expect it.

  Where did friendship bracelets come from? Did we think we could get friends by wearing friendship bracelets? What about the people, (which do exist,) who did not have any friends and bought a bunch of friendship bracelets and stuck them on their arm so it made them look like they had many? Hmm I guess I was one of the cool ones then.

  Let’s move on to the speedo. We all have encountered the speedo, you’re out there. You know what I am talking about, the older people who shouldn’t be wearing them. We have all been out one hot summer afternoon near some body of water where the speedo appeared out of nowhere when you least expected it. What a frightening sight that was. You were looking for your friend and there it appeared, that silhouette of a tight suit, and what was under it by the way, was not tight. The flesh was hanging out in bulges over the swimsuit bottoms, the cellulite did not discriminate; it did not matter if you were black, white, or Asian, because it was all out there for everyone to see. The cellulite was running away from the thighs in droves with indentations from the ripple effect. My advice to you is this; get a t-shirt that says, “Friends Don’t Let Friends Wear Speedo’s!”

  Remember the frills on collars and hems of the 1980’s? The trend sounds, well normal, but when you actually see the frills on collars and hems, well, it’s not normal. Pay close attention to the words I am typing you and think about what is being said about 80’s trends. “Adapted factual or fictional themes and Hollywood glamour were chosen to make a personal look. The flamboyant, colorful dramatic look, used frills and luscious fabrics associated with historical periods.” Here is a humorous example of eighties frills: Romantic glamour had the swashbuckling style of pirates and buccaneers. Full sleeved frilled pirate shirts were made from luxury fabrics. Let’s just say there are two things wrong with this picture, number one the trend, and number two the designers. Who came up with the Pirate costume as a day time look and what are you going to wear for Halloween?!

  Do I dare move on to the next trend? Most trends were universal for men and women, but in case the men thought I left them out, here are some trends for you. Remember the bright colorful vests and bright shirts you used to wear, well they are coming back in style. In case you had forgotten about the smiley face, it’s back with a vengeance, and it’s on many of the stores shelves, and oh those bright-colorful vests, I am afraid so, being worn over the smiley’s! What about the power suits, oh the glorious power suits with shoulder pads; I guess they needed to create height somewhere. Those shoulder pads were hideous, and I am not just talking about for the guys, but for the women, they made us look like the incredible hawk, the only difference was we were not green.

  I hope you found my writings about the 1980’s trends intriguing. I hope you laughed a lot and learned a little. There are just some trends that you need to refuse to wear, make that every single trend I have listed here.


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